Actually, I'm not 100% white trash. Just half (the other half consists of a soup of Italian, Spanish, Mexican, Native American (Plains) and possibly some French-Canadian, eh?). Most people assume I'm 100% Hispanic cos of my last name, but really it's just a small part of who I am. And b/c I don't call myself Hispanic, some people think I don't like Mexicans or Hispanics, but hey, if I were part black and part white I'd be just as annoyed if people always said I was just black (or just white) and ignored the other part. It was just coincidence that the last name I ended up with is Contreras rather than Baker, Whitfield, or Copeland (family names that came from the female side). It's like that girl on Seinfeld, Donna Chan who wasn't Chinese. Ha! Anyhoo, as Wacko Jacko says, it doesn't matter if you're black or white (unless you're him) so what does it all matter? Nada. I am an American and I love my country (cue music here). Hee hee.

Cheap roadtrips, a morning smoke with my coffee (w/cream and sugar, please) -- don't worry I plan on quitting eventually (the smoking, not the coffee), meatloaf & mashed potatoes, and my cat also make me smile. I make a mean asparagus casserole and can bake stuff all weekend long if I'm allowed. I go to the movies a lot so you might have seen me at one of the many theatres in the Bay Area, especially the cheapy one in Milpitas ($1 movies on Tuesdays!). Why spend $4 in gas to go to a dollar theatre... well, grasshopper, the trick is to go and spend the day there. Hit at least two movies -- three if you can sit still that long -- and you'll have saved yerself enough to buy some nachos!

Fave Books:
Roots, Stephen King's It, cheesy Western paperback serials like Longarm, Pottery Barn catalogs, Leonard Maltin's Movie & Video Guide, Gone With the Wind, Watership Down, and any of John Hadamuscin's cookbooks. Ooh, and this isn't a fave but it's pretty good -- a book called "Snow Crash". It was recommended to me and it's nothing like I normally read, but it was amazing. Read the first chapter and you'll be hooked. I guar-an-tee!

Fave Movies:
This is difficult. Have more than 200 DVDs ranging from Citizen Kane to Captain Ron to the Sopranos so my tastes are definitely varied. If I had to pick faves, though, I'd have to say: The Big Lebowski, Dumb & Dumber, Fatal Attraction, Reservoir Dogs, Gone With the Wind, LA Confidential, Tombstone, and Tremors.

Fave TV Shows:
Reality shows suck me in: Average Joe, Joe Millionaire (first one only), Big Brother, Joe Schmo. I love 'em! Seinfeld, Star Trek (the original), Twilight Zone (original), Sopranos, Sex and the City, and a show which only lasted two years called Homefront.

Fave Professional Sports:
Ohio State football.

Fave Music:
The Darkness "Thing Called Love", Outkast "Hey Ya", No Doubt "It's My Life", current stuff... plus Oasis (pre-breakups), 311 (pre-2001), Rage Against the Machine, Radiohead, The Stone Roses, Nick Drake, Coldplay, the Strokes' "Hard to Explain", the Carpenters, Nirvana, U2 (peaked with "The Joshua Tree"), Hole ("Live Through This" only), John Denver, my Time-Life collection of Classic Country Songs (hee hee), Glen Campbell's "Wichita Lineman", Cast's album "All Change", the Beatles, Pearl Jam (first two albums only), The La's, & Joni Mitchell's album "Blue".

Favorite After-Thanksgiving Meal:
Two slices of Wonder Bread layered with Cool Whip sprinkled with pepper and some ice cold white turkey meat. Yum, yum!

Why I Love This Dress:
I dunno. Maybe cos it reminds me of Wonder Woman, my childhood hero. Or maybe cos it reminds me of the good ol' US of A. Either way, if I had nerve enough to wear it at my wedding, I would. Course, you gotta get the husband first, eh?

Why Should I Marry You?
They say you can tell what a guy's like by how he treats his mom. Well, OK, not always. Especially if you've got a mom like Eminem's, but for the most part moms are great and you should be sending your mom mad love regularly. Also, it would be good if you had a great big family who all liked each other. As I stated earlier, my kin ain't exactly the functional type so I'm looking to find a new family. Can I call your mom "Mom"? :)

Don't care if you make a hundred grand a year or drive a Beemer. Of course that would be a plus, but after dating too many rich jerks, I've come to realise that money can't buy happiness. Or love. So if you think your mom and I would get along great, you like the crap I mentioned (alright, you don't have to like ALL of it, but how about some of it?) and you'd like to adore me til the day you die, just send me an email.

OK. Stop laffing. I'm not really lookin' for a hubby... but if you've been sufficiently amused and aren't looking to sign me up for tons of Spam, you can shoot me an email at: otisburg at yahoo.com -- to keep spidering spambots from snagging my email address you'll have to use the @ sign (duh). If you don't know how to write my email address out on yer own, please contact me and I'll beat you over the head cos you're obviously retarded. Now go look at the pictures or get lost!