Jen Jen Safari Restaurant in Estacada, Oregon
Pulling up to the Safari, I see a display window of mounted tigers. Unfortunately, there's no light on inside the display so the picture won't come out good. I go inside and am confronted by a HUGE polar bear. This guys' gotta be twelve feet tall on its hind legs. Wow. I wander in and take a seat. The menu is mostly Chinese and I don't see a variety platter so I order the Sweet 'n' Sour Shrimp and the General Tso's chicken. "You mean the General Two's chicken?" Uh, yeah, General Two's chicken. Looking up from her order pad, she asks, "You got someone else comin', honey?" "No," I say. "I just wanted to try more than one thing."

This strikes her as the weirdest thing she's ever heard. She has me repeat it to her then she goes into the bar area and tells the waitress I'm ordering two dinners. Uh, yeah. OK.

While waiting for the chow, I wander around the restaurant with my camera and camcorder. This place is pretty big. There's a dance floor and stage, complete with 70's disco ball and taxidermied leaping lions hanging from the ceiling. There's a pool room which is surrounded by dioramas - is that what they're called? - of more taxidermied animals. And not just in poses either. Antelope being munched on by leopards. Deer being attacked by leaping bears - complete with blood and gore. I picture diners mopping up their spaghetti sauce with bread as they gaze at the bloodied animals posed in death throes.

My food arrives and it's pretty damn good. Of course, within a few minutes I can't eat anymore so I have her box up everything. "I knew you wouldn't be able to eat it all," she says. "Um, that wasn't what I had in mind anyway," I say.